Accepting the Unknown

January 28, 2018

Do you ever sit in church and listen to the pastor or speaker talk about that “one thing” that’s keeping you from God? They tell you to pray and give up that “thing” in your life that is pulling you away from your relationship with Him. This idea brought me so much confusion and frustration. Whenever I would hear someone talking about needing to give up something to God so you can give your whole life up to Him, I never knew what that was for me. I prayed the same words over and over to God, asking Him what it is that I haven’t yet given up to Him, what’s holding me back from fulfilling His purpose for me, why I felt He wasn’t using me even though I was open and ready to be used.

I could never think of anything that was keeping me from God. I prayed every day for God to take my life and use me. So why wasn’t He using me? Why wasn’t He showing me His plan for my life? Why could I never see any opportunities for me to be a light?

Sometimes we struggle with things we don’t even know we are struggling with.

I don’t know if you ever did this too, but ever since I can remember, I have imagined my future as me getting married and having a family. That was always the plan ever since I was little. I rarely even thought about having a job or what career I would pursue. I didn’t care about that. Not that I believed I would never have a job, I just never really cared about thinking about it. I’ve never had a “dream job.” I just wanted to be a mom and a wife, and the rest, well I didn’t care, as long as I was raising children who loved Jesus with someone who loved Jesus. Sounds like a plan that would please God right?

I began college this year, and to be honest, I didn’t really know why I was here. I mean, I’m having an amazing time. College to me was for the social aspect; making friends and memories. My plan for the future was still unknown, but I still hadn’t put much thought or care into a future career or degree. I just want a family.

But who was I to assume that this was God’s plan for me?

Just because my plan was “christ-centered” and involved having a family who loved Jesus, does not mean that that was for sure what God had planned for me or that this was the only thing He wanted me to pursue. Since I had no idea what career or degree I was going to end up in, I thought I was doing good on the whole “putting my future in God’s hands” thing. However, I was still assuming that whatever God had planned for me just included myself as a wife and a mother. My mindset was always like, “I will do anything for you God, I don’t care where I go in my future, just as long as I also have a husband and children.” I mean, maybe it is His plan for me, but I shouldn’t just be expecting that and not working toward anything else in my life. Since I have been in college, I have realized different ways that God could use me. He has developed in me new passions and a heart for others, a love for writing, and satisfaction in helping people. As soon as I gave up this “need” for having a family, and now that I am completely unknowing about where God will take my future, I can live each day with complete trust in Him, allowing Him to take over every aspect in my life, because I have no clue where I will end up, and that’s okay with me because I know that wherever God leads me will be better than I could have ever imagined.

Maybe I will end up as the wife and mother I always dreamed about, since it is something the Lord designed and wants for us and it is a desire in my heart. But maybe there are more things He wants me to pursue, more dreams He wants me to unlock, more ways He wants to use me outside of and/or before raising a family. The calling on our lives does not begin when we reach a certain milestone. My purpose in His Kingdom does not begin once I say “I do,” it begins the moment I decide to give my life to Jesus.

I want God to use me in every aspect of my life. I want to be the disciple He has called me to be here on Earth, wherever that may be, with or without a family. Sometimes accepting the unknown can actually relieve stress, because you aren’t worrying about how or when something will happen. It’s all in God’s hands. So what’s keeping you from allowing God to use you?

Much love, Em